It is so fucking difficult to be and do relevant academic work when the first battle begins within the set contours of relevancy. Not only does the student have to perform the task of unlearning by their own will (if it emerges), but simultaneously they have to maintain their self of the system that guides them through rules both defined and inherited. At all times I am more than dual but in academia I am a binary, my own self projection battles my heritage of compliance. The system simply cannot be understood as the structure; it is the talk, the behavior, the emails, the language, the chosen words, the mega conferences, the readings assigned that builds up what I would say the stagnant pool, which swallows its own ripples.
In this floating system, we define relevancy or we maintain relevancy to resist being swallowed. The middle of the pool is our deepest but safest spot, the corners are too precarious. We lose our idealism and we learn tricks. We trick ourselves into believing the future will witness our radical but the present has to conform, a bit, a little, maybe a chapter more.
How do we resist this urge to be academically relevant while also pursuing a relevance of our own virtues? Do we maintain our disguises for a while; is bidding time the solution?
Angry Essays 